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Vanishing Illusions by Trelawney's love toy - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Raggerd, Jun 11, 2007.

  1. Raggerd

    Raggerd First Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2006
    Messages:
    33
    Title: Vanishing Illusions
    Author: Trelawney's love toy
    Rating: T
    Genre: General/Action/Adventure
    DLP Category: Alternates
    Pairing: None so far
    Status: WIP
    Summary: Harry Potter, previously thought to be dead, arrives to compete in the triwizard tournament. How will being raised by a former Death Eater and attending Durmstrang, alter the boy's intended course.

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3515603/1/

    4 chapters with 26k words and decent updating speed. An amusing read for the idea of Harry attending Durmstrang, haven't read many of those.
     
  2. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,129
    This is some kinda rough writing. Some parts just feel typical dark or stronger Harry. The basic laundry list sort of style in many Independent fics. But the idea of Harry as Viktor Krum's little brother is one that has so much potential I was enthralled by many parts. Some just got tedious and I skimmed, but I am very interested in where this goes. I think the rough-ness of the writing has me expecting to be disappointed. Or maybe like too many fics of this tone it'll be abandoned before getting too far. Maybe I'm just getting pessimistic.

    But for what's here so far, and the potential of this story, I'm definitely enjoying it. 4/5 for now.
     
  3. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    I read this yesterday. Wasn't expecting much, especially with the whole evil!parents and stupid-sibling-is-BWL tripe, but I was pleasantly surprised. The author obviously invested a fair amount of forethought in certain elements of the plot and surrounding, much more than it's usual in stories like this. Small details, like interesting new magical concepts and philosophy of the Krum family is what makes this, otherwise average, story worth reading in my book.
    4.2/5
     
  4. Zevrillion

    Zevrillion Founder Retired Staff

    Joined:
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    I agree with IP and nonjon. The writing could be better, but it's a solid 4/5 if you can get past that.
     
  5. Myst

    Myst Headmaster

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    I rather liked it. As with the others said, the writing could use some work but other than that.. it's rather good.

    4/5.
     
  6. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

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    It was quite enjoyable. Somewhat tedious due to the fact that the writer is copying the Goblet of Fire, but Harry Potter as Viktor Krum's little brother is full of win. I've always thought Krum has been full of potential as a character, and is not used enough in fanfiction.

    Some of the characterizations are pretty bland--was the talk with Hermione really necessary? I could be wrong, but it seems like he copy-pasted their talk out of every independant!Harry story (the same goes with Dumbledore)--but some make up for it. Ginny was used sparingly, Cedric and Fleur are put to good use, Snape wasn't fucking annoying and Viktor and "Fedor" make the story what it is.

    It is full of potential, but there are plenty of ways it can go wrong. If the author follows too close to canon it will get boring, and without some real reason for some of the canon character's having a prominent role the story will be ruined.

    As of right now, the sheer enjoyable of a pair of Krum's bad enough to kill a Basilisk and skin it on Hogwart's grounds gives it a 4/5.

    I will be watching o_O
     
  7. The Dark Monarch

    The Dark Monarch Backtraced

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Stuck in the bleeding hot desert
    Am I the only one who couldn'y get past the bassilisk?

    It just seemed so stupid that harry and viktor could do all the these things with no explanation right out of the box.

    The explanation that there father invented stuff is stupid and unimaginable.

    1.5
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2007
  8. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Stupid, but quite fun.

    4/5
     
  9. malaga

    malaga Auror

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    Location:
    New Zealand
    I really liked this. I can ignore the rough writing, and though I was wary of reading anything written by someone called 'Trelawney's Love Toy' it was worth it. 4.5/5
     
  10. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    I thought it was a pretty good story. I added it to my favorites list. Author was right, you don't see too many people who write about Harry going to Durmstrang. 5/5 for me.

    Richard.
     
  11. Anarual

    Anarual Seventh Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Harry and Victor are a little bit overpowered , but besides that 4/5
     
  12. Fayr Warning

    Fayr Warning First Year

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2006
    Messages:
    39
    Liked it.

    There might be some trouble if the writer tries to make "Fedor" into "a happy stupid sentimental Harry"--somehow I'm under the impression a Krum wouldn't be as talkative and/or confrontational to a stranger (case in point the whole Hermione thing). I'd expect subtly and aristocratic distain (more like the scene with Captain Potter).
    It's a good start and rarely used Durmstrang angle but can go very wrong very fast if it follows canon too closely.
    3.5/5
    P.S. Someone slap the evil!twin
     
  13. MrINBN

    MrINBN Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Portland, OR
    *slaps the evil!twin*
    I got a notice about this in my inbox, and it's refreshingly new, in terms of plot. While I agree that there are more ways for this to go wrong than the amount of bugs in a Microsoft OS, it does have potential. All the author has to do is avoid the landmines, figuratively speaking. 4/5
     
  14. Hadoren

    Hadoren High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Messages:
    500
    This story sucks.

    Dumbledore is written as manipulative. That's not bad persay, but he's written badly, and he follows the cliche to the mat. Lines like
    completely turn me off.

    Allen Potter is written horribly, as others have already stated.

    Feodor Krum (that is, Harry Potter) is way overpowered as the greatest dueler in the world. For God's sake, give the kid a challenge. He's a pure-blooded Gary Stu: Feodor is never wrong, he's always doing right, all he needs to do to get people to hate his enemies or respect him is to say one word. So far in this story, I have never seen him make a single mistake. The amount of praise the author heaps upon him is nauseating. He can outdebate Granger, kill a basilisk with no effort, insult Diggory and have Diggory say everything's alright, deflect Fleur's veela charm, make the Aurors look stupid, ad infinitum.

    The grammar is bad. The author uses present tense when describing things, when it should always be past tense. That disrupts the flow of the story.

    AND this story has a 99% chance of having the flaw all stories of this type have: a complete lack of any plot. I have yet to discern any mention of one at all.

    My rating: 2/5
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2007
  15. Swimdraconian

    Swimdraconian Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I found this story to be bland and unimaginative.

    The characters are poorly written and the author's attempts to be funny fall flat. This reads to me like every other evil!twin, manipulative!Dumbledore, super-cool!Harry-with-new-name! fanfiction out there. There are several places where the author doesn't even try to be original and this story follows far to closely to canon for me to enjoy it.

    Seriously, the kid has been raised away from Hogwarts. Everything is not going to be the same.

    2/5
     
  16. Aakunen

    Aakunen Second Year

    Joined:
    May 26, 2007
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    Location:
    Poland
    Add to the list the fact that he knows the Greek mythology, he's naturally ambidextrous, Olivander joined his little fan club (Fedor's mother is apparently a wand-crafter, where Ollivander is only a lowly wand-maker, who is an amateur in comparison to the family Valavicius, who made wands to people like Le Fey, Gryffindor and Slytherin).

    It also looks like his mother found in a normal junk shop the diary of Grindelwald, who conveniently was Dumbledore's Master. I can't also forget about the fact that Dumbledore is responsible for Grindelwald's rise, because he betrayed the guy.

    I stopped reading the last chapter at:
    How can it get more ridiculous? Everyone, compared to Fedor and Viktor, are stupid, weak and either they start to look like a bunch of love-sick fan girls or are a bunch of evil, manipulative retards, without a bit of talent.

    2/5
     
  17. Snarf

    Snarf Squanchin' Party Bro! ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Super!Harry, Manipulative!Dumbledore, BlackandWhite!world, with a twist. How utterly retarded. The bad writing added on makes this story full of fail. 2/5
     
  18. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    I still think this is leagues ahead of any similar story I remember seeing. It's the small details (example: Grindewald backstory) that show us this author has some talent and imagination. Considering this is his first story, I'm more than willing to overlook the cliched basic plot and an occasional careless mistake; After all, with each new chapter he can only get better.
     
  19. Swimdraconian

    Swimdraconian Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    True, but while I encourage the author to write more - I wouldn't put his story in the library. He needs to improve a bit before his stuff is library worthy.
     
  20. odonata617

    odonata617 Guest

    interesting reactions to this story. people either like it or dislike it intensely. the positives: unusual twist to fanfiction cliche, harry taken away that awful night, this time to durmstrang; view of the magical world outside of britain clearly original; cries of gary stuism largely function of fact that harry grew up outside the british system and that is the touchstone for people's views of other magical schools. negative: too much power for his age (although if harry was able to cast a patronus without training, imagine what he could do with training); grammar and syntax deficient; cliches re the evil BWL. still, an entertaining diversion and that's all i'm looking for. far better than most of its ilk.
     
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