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WIP Victoria Potter by Taure - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by LinguaManiac, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. Glimmervoid

    Glimmervoid Groundskeeper

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    I read the chapter and greatly enjoyed it. Very Potteresque.

    I've noticed that you are really expanding on the non wand magic while still emphasising hat proper magic requires a wand. Is this coming from your "magical person" model of magical power? It seems almost anything Victoria does can be magic. As if, due to being a very magical person, even normal actions can become magical, like the jump rope trick.

    One actual question: the peddle based invisibility. Is there a reason you chose to make it peddle based beyond it fitting nicely into the whimsy mould of Potter magic? Is there a reason in your ever expanding document of magical theory headcanon?
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2018
  2. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Yeah, the peddle-based invisibility was mostly for whimsical purposes. We know from the Weasley's Ford Anglia that invisibility boosters which work at the push of a button exist, so it's not like you can't get more advanced invisibility features. But I like the bicycle-like feature on a broom.

    Regarding wandless magic, part of this is to showcase Victoria's talent, yes. But part of it is also to emphasise what Ollivander said in DH about wizards being able to do magic with any instrument, but wands are best. While Victoria can do some "true" wandless magic (in the sense of magic without any instrument at all), most of what she's doing is still using objects as "props" in a similar role to a wand, potions ingredients, etc.
     
  3. Donimo

    Donimo Groundskeeper

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    I finally got around to reading this. It's a pretty good read, the world build and magic are wonderful as I'd expect from you. I've just never been much a fan of gender benders. My big issue with this story is Victoria having relationships with all the death eater kids. I'm sure you're trying to make a point, and humanize a group that was quite narrowly characterized, but I just can't get over Malfoy being anything except the rude, spoiled, foul person we see in canon. Reading this gives me the same unpleasant feeling I get when I start reading a story that begins to edge toward Ron bashing, or manipulative Dumbledore. Something is just off and it makes me wary of continuing because at any moment I expect something bad is going to happen to spoil it. So I pretty much love everything that isn't her interacting Malfoy Parkinson.
     
  4. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy Heir DLP Supporter

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    The chances this has Manipulative!Dumbledore (well, the fanon version), is roughly negative infinity percent.
     
  5. Donimo

    Donimo Groundskeeper

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    I know, its just that same feeling of something not being right. It's the instinct borne of years of reading fanfiction telling me to turn back.
     
  6. Shodan

    Shodan First Year

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    So, after following this story for a while, I've read it again during the last few days and wanted to give my thoughts on it, because I feel like it doesn't get the attention it deserves.

    There are very few authors who can expand Rowling’s magical world without losing its characteristic, oftentimes somewhat ridiculous atmosphere. The broom riding in the latest chapter is a great example, it fits in perfectly. Then, there are many small details: From the trains to Hogwarts and Constantinople on the normal board at King’s Cross to the Cluedo-esque game they play during the ride, nothing breaks the immersion. The only thing that felt a little bit off (though not painfully so) was Voldemort’s chair in the Slytherin common room: Not only do most people not know Voldemort’s identity at Hogwarts, but I also think that Dumbledore would remove anything widely known to be enchanted by him from the school. But that’s nitpicking.

    Another thing I liked is the characterization of Victoria’s housemates: Pansy is unlikable, Malfoy acts very differently because a) Victoria is in Slytherin, b) she’s not nearly as blunt and outspoken as Harry is, and c) she’s a girl. Daphne is also a nice side character, being a rather typical pure-blood witch while not nearly as openly prejudiced and ugly as Pansy. And Victoria’s rivalry with Hermione is great ;) The only character that stood out a little bit is Tracy: While she is one of the least important characters, I noticed that she was indeed included in some scenes, and yet even after the re-read, I don’t have any clue about her personality. Flashing her out a little bit more in year two might be a good idea, though this isn’t a large issue.

    It’s remarkable that you managed to create a plot that didn’t contain any canon rehash while still being compelling and believable. Of course, the stakes weren’t nearly as high as in the first book, but I think that will change in the coming years.

    I’m also looking forward to you flashing out your world in more detail. You hinted at some things- Victoria’s conversation with Flitwick about the difference between levitating and flying is one of my favourite scenes in fanfiction-, and it’s gone be interesting to see what else you have in mind as her abilities grow. I also noticed that you have at least two Transfiguration professors, though I’m not sure whether or not there’s more to it our you’re just trying to fix Rowling’s numbers.

    Anyway, keep up the great work! This is officially my favourite currently updating fic :)
     
  7. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Updated. For those of you avoiding FF.Net, the AO3 link is:

    https://archiveofourown.org/works/13795605/chapters/31714617

    (On a related note, posting to AO3 is a nightmare. When I paste into the text box, it inserts a line between every paragraph so they're spaced massively far apart, and all the punctuation around italics goes haywire. It takes so much editing to clean up.)
     
  8. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Victoria Potter has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 15
    Words: 86,039
    Updated: 2018-10-24 09:43:44 UTC
    Published: 2017-11-04 19:13:13 UTC
    Previously updated: about 1 month ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  9. Garden

    Garden Minister of Magic

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    Loved all the worldbuilding in this chapter but not the biggest fan of the memory play. A bit too... high-techy, for lack of a better word... for me.

    If it was something like the memory animated a painting, or a suit of armor, would have fit more with HP tone. Just feels slightly off to have a commercially available Pensieve when they felt more special in canon.
     
  10. Shodan

    Shodan First Year

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    Great chapter. I liked the idea of using Pensieves for entertainment, and do we really know that they are that rare? Harry doesn't know them, but that might be because of his usual ignorance regarding the wizarding world.

    Interestingly, while displaying special characters works just fine in FFNs normal version, it does not work on the mobile site. If you plan to use them more extensively, that might become a problem.
     
  11. Donimo

    Donimo Groundskeeper

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    I like the idea of watching a play from the inside, that certainly seems wizardy. I don't like the execution.
     
  12. LinguaManiac

    LinguaManiac Fourth Year

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    Yeah, I don't particularly like the idea of a memory being the source of it through the Pensieve, but that's because I feel like I know how they work from Canon. I think if you made it something else (like a portrait) but still called it a memory, had them talking about memories, then I would have liked it just fine. I also agree that it seemed very high-tech.

    That said, I really liked the execution and how it worked in the story. Already we can see Victoria both less enamored and more suspicious of the Great and Powerful Lockhart. I liked seeing Susan's mother more and seeing her in a better light (being helpful and mentoring of get daughter and daughter's friend).

    You have a skill at keeping the characters separate, which I like.

    Cheers! Looking forward to more.
     
  13. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Victoria Potter has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 16
    Words: 92,550
    Updated: 2019-02-12 07:27:00 UTC
    Published: 2017-11-04 19:13:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 4 months ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  14. valrie

    valrie First Year

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    I thought using the pensieves as an entertainment tool kind of cheapened their value too. It's certainly an interesting idea and it does in its own way fit into the lighter approach to magic that Taure is taking here. I just personally prefer magic to be more mysterious and abstract. The mind is a complex and esoteric concept and approaching mind magic like pensieves so casually seems a bit ... cheap.

    I really liked the new chapter and how the potion-making is approached. It's much more than mixing a bunch of ingredients as in chemistry. Concepts are important and I'm excited to see how the Potion of Sparta plays out. I can't remember if that has already happened but I would like to see that personal understanding and emotion also plays a role in potion-making like it does in magic. If you look at Neville's potion failures and explosions in canon it seems really weird how easily a potion explodes (unless small mistakes often result in explosions but then the subject should be approached differently). A good explanation would be that his fear actually made the potions more volatile. While something like this doesn't have to be important in normal potions it could play a more prominent role in more specialized and complex ones as well as in alchemy later on.

    Having a subject where Victoria does not immediately succeed against people who have been trained for years is refreshing too. Although I still hope to see her kick his mysogynistic butt at some point.

    All in all, great character development, worldbuilding and magic in the new chapter :)
     
  15. Flurol

    Flurol Squib

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    In a way it fits with Lockhart's character, to use something in such a cheap way, cheap fame is his characters cornerstone.

    Although saying that, Taure has set Lockhart up as a more interesting fool with this latest chapter.
     
  16. valrie

    valrie First Year

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    Sure, it fits Lockhart but I meant that I'd prefer it if pensieves worked in a way that something like this wasn't even possible or realistically achievable for a business. The mind arts and all associated fields should be more complicated imo.

    Legilimency is such a powerful tool. You can read someone's thoughts, see their memories, potentially twist them and change who they are. There has to be a reason that it isn't very common and the only one that I see is that it is somehow difficult. Difficult as in perceiving another persons mind means that you suddenly see everything from their PoV. Everybody has different habits, intuitive memory associations, ways of thinking that are reflexive (like when you are used to do something your mind somehow seemingly skips part of the thinking process and provides you the answer), and those are so different for everybody that "reading" their mind is mostly a problem of parsing their thoughts and trying to understand and follow them. Pensieves should follow this. We only saw Dumbledore and Snape with pensieves and the reason could be that it takes skill to use them.

    Usually pensieve memories are depicted as a 3d movie. First of all, I think that it is unrealistic that the memory shows something that person who watched it didn't see. It's a memory, the best it can be is a perfect recollection. Now, perhaps an absolute master of occlumency could separate his emotions and thoughts completely from a short memory but even that is questionable. I know that Lockhart is skilled in the mind arts (based on his skill with changing memories) but I don't see him as on the same level as Dumbledore or Voldemort in anything magic-related. Now, on the other hand, adding emotions to the memory might not necessarily a bad thing for a "movie" like this. Controlling your targets mood would be perfect for entertainers to give the best experience. Could

    Also, I'd like to think that Occlumency should be mastering your own mind in that you have more control over your thought processes like in "I know not, and I cannot know -- Yet I live and Love" by billowsandsmoke (great short story btw) or maybe "What you leave behind" by Newcomb although he didn't spend much time on exploring the mind arts yet.

    Of course, this is just my personal opinion. Taure can do what he wants with pensieves and I'd even say his is closer to how it was depicted in canon. But I just think it cheapens the magic aspects and simplifies it from this beautiful art that it could be. Sorry for the rambling.
     
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