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WIP What's Her Name in Hufflepuff by ashez2ashes - T -

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by Nemrut, Aug 4, 2018.

  1. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    Title: What's Her Name in Hufflepuff
    Author: ashez2ashes
    Rating: T seems right
    Genre: Adventure / Friendship
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: The Alternates
    Pairings: none so far
    Summary: 62k as of 04.08.2018
    Link: Spacebattles (reader mode)

    Doesn't really have a summary so far since it has only been posted on SB so here goes my attempt: A grown woman from our world finds herself as an 11 year old girl who is about to start her life in Hogwarts at the start of canon and then gets sorted into Hufflepuff.

    It's kind of a mixture between the old school SIs where people get thrown into the source material and the more modern, Dreaming of Sunshine type of reincarnation SI where the protag might not have grown up in this world but was aged back to live a real life there and accumulate the necessary skills in a more organic manner. I find that this really works for me. Admittedly, it is a bit handwavy with how it happened but honestly, it was the right call and readers generally roll with these things at the very start of the story. I don't really need a consistent, logical explanation to justify the story, I can roll with strange magic that will never come up again.

    Her finding herself in a Gringotts vault at the beginning is a bit of an odd choice, which is a bit weak that she basically starts with practically unlimited funds but didn't find myself minding that either. She is a Hogwarts student so money was never going to be that big of a factor and I kinda like that she can buy cool shit and doesn't have to worry about grinding money or whatever. It is a more lighthearted story anyway, focusing more on the magic, friendship and adventure rather than a more serious tale and I found that decision to be for the advantage of the story.

    Another drawback, which was a small thing really was the odd take on Ollivander. It really didn't feel much like him and felt a bit cheesy but since Ollivander is only an appears once type of character, it's not like it matters and such a different take on him was a bit refreshing but I can understand why it would rub some the wrong way. Again, just one weird scene.

    Now to the good parts. The story is charming, delightful and quite honestly fun. The SI is likeable and a joy to follow, the relationship with her roommates is really endearing and there have been several scenes and lines of dialog which made me laugh. The friendship that struck up between the girls is quite real and juvenile at times, like it should be between such young kids. The take on Hogwarts and the magical world does strike the same chords as early canon did and I quite love the take on various characters (Ollivander notwithstanding). Hagrid and the other professors were nailed perfectly and most above all, I love the organic way the SI does and does not interact with the canon cast. For example, being in Hufflepuff she has yet to talk to Harry or Ron because why would they interact at all at this point? Neither did she talk with Malfoy or anything. On the other hand, she kinda befriended Hermione and interacted with some other characters. There was life breathed into the characters inhabiting Hogwarts and the magic itself and it shows. A few of the hufflepuffs having magical boyband posters was a nice touch and there is even an interesting subplot regarding that.

    The story overall has some fun ideas of worldbuilding, which makes exploring this Hogwarts a joy. It's not an AU or anything but a more fleshed out Hogwarts and magical world.

    The butterflies she causes are thus similarly natural and don't feel forced or contrived. As a minor spoiler
    she kinda befriends Hermione which then causes Hermione to not run crying to the bathroom when Ron makes his comment around Halloween, because she does have at least one friend and is kinda friendly with another Hufflepuff girl, so the troll thing doesn't happen and the trip has not formed at this point in time.
    There is other stuff as well and nothing felt forced so far.

    The story is still in its beginnings. We are still in first year, around Halloween and it seems the author has plans for the war as well so if this keeps updating we should be in for quite a journey. It has been a while since I had such sheer fun with a HP story and I really love it so far. Protag is also in that sweet spot where she is driven to learn magic (of course she is, why wouldn't she?) and thus shows good competence because of foreknowledge and adult discipline but at the same time isn't Merlin 2.0 who just roflstomps her way through magic.

    Overall, it's quite the fun adventure that me laugh and smile and am eagerly awaiting for more.

    An enthusiastic 5/5 but probably a 4/5 really.

    It would also be really cool if we could not have the obligatory and rather unproductive "all SI stories are shit" comments which really lead nowhere. Long shot, I know but I can hope.
     
  2. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Chief Warlock

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    I have to agree with basically everything above. It's a reasonably well written story, although infinite gold at the start seems to have now been forgotten.

    It's nice to have an SI where the main character doesn't spend 30,000 words wondering whether it's okay to date, or have friends, and why can't they interact with children well using their vast adult intellect. Whilst the SI does make friends with kids, there's also in-text mentions of how she finds boy-band obsessing to be weird, and she is definitely more mature than her classmates, so this hasn't been completely sidelined.

    On top of that, a lot of the characters seem to act their age, and (for more filled out characters) their canon selves. Classmates care about Kasey's birthday, and work at it like you would expect young kids to do so (inexpertly).

    Also (and it pains me that this is a positive), there hasn't been much of a "wizards are shit, why can't we be muggles?" argument, which seems to crop up all the time with SIs, especially on SB. There's been a few instances of smaller arguments (have wizards ever been to space? I bet we'd do it better than the muggles!), but it doesn't seem to be a defining feature of the character.

    I do wonder whether the main plots of canon are going to be impacted at all, or if the SI is just going to sidestep all of them by virtue of being a Hufflepuff, and finding her own 'adventures'.

    The SI wants to learn more magic, but still has to work at it, rather than just snapping her fingers and being done.

    A pleasant story, although it doesn't really have a massive hook. Well written, and worth giving a go if you like SoL stuff. 4/5
     
  3. CaffeineAddict

    CaffeineAddict Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    I shall preface this by saying that there are a grand total of 2 SI stories that I've read that I actually thought were good stories rather than pointless self-agrandising fanwank.

    This is one of them.

    It's fun, it has a great tone, and it didn't get bogged down in the details of how the protagonist ended up in Harry Potter. Also, magic mirror to another dimension is a classic, so points for that.

    I'm enjoying the butterflies, and the fact that the protagonist isn't instant besties with Harry is a nice change from the typical Marry Sue nonsense you often get with this sort of thing (whether SI or OC).

    I'll give it a solid 4/5 subject to change depending on how things progress beyond first year.
     
  4. TheWiseTomato

    TheWiseTomato Tactical Tomato DLP Supporter

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    I enjoyed it. Definitely doing well at following a protagonist parallel to HP without just dogging canon's footsteps. Even the huge vault of gold is getting a nice little side plot in the background, even if it was only mentioned briefly. The writing is good, the children are written believably, and the characterisation of the MC is interesting and engaging. 4/5.
     
  5. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

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    It wasn't really forgotten by the story,
    I mean it was relevant just recently when she bought the map as the simplest solution to her problem. If anything she IC kind of forgot the implications herself.

    Anyways I was getting ready to put this up myself, it's a good fic. I particularly like how it reaches out a little in various interpretations to keep things fresh without going totally out of left field. It's a story that really gets the feel of things right.
     
  6. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros.

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    This story's a gem in the slice of life genre.

    It's captures the charm and sense of awe from the early books of canon. Despite being an SI, it doesn't fall into the common traps of the genre like trying to fix everything from the word "Go!", while at the same time the MC is never too passive as to be pointless.

    It's fun, the MC is interesting, and it is neither canon rehash or preachy in tone (not overly anyway, and never enough to be a big issue).

    The biggest weakness, perhaps, is that it's opening was rather weak and there's no real plot hook beyond following the MC along. It's a piece which is compelling because of it's characterization than plot, and that's okay for a Slice of Life fic.

    Easily 4/5.
     
  7. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander Prestige DLP Supporter

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    This... Actually isn't bad. I'm not even mad at the practically endless gold. The whole thing is just quite fun.

    One thing that really grated on me was her housemate and his ridiculously over the top and frankly poorly written Scottish accent. That can be toned down massively and not be immersion breaking.

    Hopefully she'll actually get a chance to interact Harry sometime soon.
     
  8. duplaja

    duplaja First Year DLP Supporter DLP Bronze Supporter

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    I usually don't care for SI's (with very few exceptions), but I wanted to give this an honest try. I made it about 4 sections in, before having to give up.

    The writing is technically sound, and the descriptions are fairly well written. There were some that were pretty cliche, such as the description of ice cream " like heaven in a bowl". There was just nothing that really grabbed my attention, in the portion I read. Although I'm sure some will enjoy it, it's not really for me.

    3/5
     
  9. kinetique

    kinetique Groundskeeper

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    I actually really like this, there's a real whimsical feeling to it.

    That said, I can't help but feel changing the name to Susan Bones and removing about half the fix it crap that Spacebattles is so fond of would improve the story immensely.
     
  10. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Another glorified reads the books style self insert with a Hufflepuff as the lead. Its pretty much cut from the same cloth as the other one (Butterfly) as this. I don't get it.

    I think the biggest issue I have with this is that no matter how well this is written the fact that its delivered in this format, and lead by an SI, and wrote by an SB author means that this was no sold from the start. I've read a ton of shit. I make no attempt to hide it. This isn't shit, but its also not good.

    People commenting on the whimsy of it all, does that really make this worth reading? Really? There is a certain level of execution here that makes this not awful.

    So 3/5
     
  11. kinetique

    kinetique Groundskeeper

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    An awful lot of flaws can be hidden with makeup, or in this case tone. 3/5 is a good rating, I just like reading stories where the dialogue isn't ridiculous, and the sentence structure is consistent.
     
  12. Oculled1996

    Oculled1996 Squib

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    Ehh, I wasn’t really feeling this one. It’s definitely one of the best of it’s genre, but is that good enough for the library? Probably not. There were some cliches: the mountains of gold, a magical trunk. The constant repetition of the fact she’s American was annoying. Still the story is readable and technically sound.

    3/5
     
  13. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion DLP Supporter

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    Kinda fun so far, decently written and it's helpful that the character is fairly average skill-wise and shows alarm at being caught by Quirrell. It's a decent SI sort of story, which tend to be... not great. So in that aspect, it's a lot better than I expected. There are some dropped issues and a few mistakes (Terry isn't a pureblood, he's a half-blood), but overall it's not bad.

    3/5
     
  14. JimmyCranberry

    JimmyCranberry High Inquisitor

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    Genuinely enjoying this one. Very light-hearted, fun re-jig of the first book. Not too complicated, which is probably a good thing for the overall tone of the story.

    4/5 so far.