yeah but ender's game didn't transform all those "merde" and "pinprick" speaking dudes into articulate demosthenes and lockes.

unlike transforming hagrid into a nobel laureate.

 

I reviewed with:
Interesting read so far, though definitely not something that falls in with my normal tastes. Seems like the children are more mature, but only because they have to fill more roles than canon.

Only complaint is when you mentioned Harry's 'need' to touch a girl's face. A bit nauseating for an eleven year old, especially if it's some romantic foreshadowing.

And received:
woot, someone picked up on exactly what I wanted them to. This is NOT romantic foreshadowing, but simply a hint in what's changing Harry. I HATE Harry/Ginny, so she's completely safe from his wandering hands.


So that's one worry out the window. Nonjon pegged the ambitious part, but what can you do? I don't really care for redeemed!Severus, but since he's so OOC I just pretend the author completely threw out canon!Sev and stuck in an original character remotely based on him.

 

I just read the story and I liked it so far. I think I never read a story with an idea like "merit points". It's certainly interesting, but will Harry live like a king after fourth year? If we assume that he'll fight Voldemort at least a few times, he'll get more points than he can spend.
A good thing is that it won't be Harry/Ginny and that he's not in Gryffindor. He hasn't met Ron and Malfoy yet, so we'll have to wait how the author deals with them.
Another interesting idea is the house system. It seems more like 4 people from different houses stick together and help each other and fight against their house mates. Not the normal Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. This certainly is different.
So, what else ...? Yes this “Je te souviens” - I remember you. It looks like Harry has a few allies in the school population. So it'll be most likely that there are others (Malfoy?) with their own allies. This'll be an interesting conflict.
Unfavorable are the long time periods between updates and the staff thing. You could add the Romeo and Juliette talk, but I just over read it.
Altogether it's a good story and I'll keep reading it.

 

I read this, and It was like reading Naruto. Bloodlines, politics, clans.

This story is so complex... it would turn 90% of fanfics readers minds to mush.

granted those about 6% of those 10% that could read this reside here... but geez.

Its not HP anymore. Its a Hp crossed over with Naruto without Ninjas.

I also did not like the love thing. Right, I know we arnt sappy guys here, but its a bit odd that every woman is just trying to get in a guy's pants.

They worship Romeo and Juliet as the Torah.. Did the author read the play? cause last I checked Juliet wasnt trying to get Romeo killed. Nor get his genes or anything like that.

Feh.. over all this belongs in a Naruto story.. its way to out there for HP.

 

hmm... I think you're all being waaayy too critical! now is the time to just accept, that unless one of us gets up off their lazy ass and starts writing continuously, we aren't going to see anything that we all love... so just accept this fic for what it is rather than what it isn't.... an original, complex, well written story within a sea of doppelganger AU's.

 

Well it updated, and chapter six is quite good. The introduction to the lesssons was handled well. The introduction of OR or other realities in a sort of computer kind of way threw me into a loop, but it sounds like something that I remember playing in a Never Winter Nights expansion pack by Stephan Gagne with magic circles being used to control a semi-virtual reality kind of thing.

The fact that the schooling of the childrens is spread out more is interesting, as is the fact that most of those comming to classes have at least the bare facts about magic down and are ready to go forward.

Overall a interesting chapter, I look forward to more and what others are thinking about it.

 

I tried reading this... I really did. But eventually I got tired of the not so blatant Christian Religion that got thrown in my face every 3rd paragraph.

 

I liked the new chapter. It is fairly well written and it's an original idea (at least for me)

 

I don't know. I actually like the way the author's portrayed Hogwarts. I mean, the wizarding world must be more dangerous than Rowling's. And since Hogwarts is the greatest school of Britain, it should have a lot more competition and powerful people. But then again, that's probably wishful thinking.

Still, it would've been better to have the politics only start in 6th year. You're too young to fight for power at 11 years old.

 

I'm not sure if you mean in Rowling's canon world or in this fic, but in canon, Hogwarts is not the greatest school of Britain--it is the only one.

 

The thing that annoyed me msot about the latest chapter was...you guessed it, she has the Hogwarts Library, organised using the Library of Congress system. I mena, ok, why? Why would anyone even mildly consider the vague idea that that might be the case? It only takes a bit of research to find out at least that that is not the case, and all you need to do is ask someone who's British to find out what system is used. Or you could jsut not mention it at all, cause it was like one line, that didn't serve any actual purpose anyway.

But apart from that, its interesting. I like the way she is working the knew world.

 

That's just japanese-jew's style of writing. She crams every single detail possible into her descriptions, and that's one of the reasons that I really enjoy her story. Everything seems so real the way that she writes it, and I hope that she never changes that.

Anyways, I thought that it was a good chapter. It wasn't great, but she's getting there. The sheer originality that she's shown writing this is astounding. The only thing that I would fix would be update rates and the speed at which the story is progressing.

Oh, yeah, sure. I'll just go out and rope myself a Limey, huh?

 

Hey! It's j_j "herself". That's something that I should probably clean up. I'm a bloke. Second of all, I HAVE asked British people what system to use, and they have been woefully ignorant of the library cataloguing systems of the Universities of Britain.

*clears throat for lecture mode*

In the United States (where I live), we typically use the Dewey Decimal System. By all accounts (from the British folks), the Dewey Decimal System is used in most libraries there too. Now, here's where we come into a spot of trouble. In American colleges and universities, which are not the same things as British colleges and universities,

**Clears throat again for nested lecture mode**

American colleges and universities are the same thing, except universities are larger, and typically offer Graduate programs as well as college programs. British Colleges come before universities in schooling.

**/Unclears throat for nested lecture mode**

The library of congress method is used to organize books. As well, in Exeter, an Elite Boarding school, similar to this Hogwarts, the library of congress method is used.

Why is the library of congress method used, you ask? Well, here's your response. LCC is much more efficient, and not geared towards Americans. The much lauded Dewey decimal system uses decimals, which are obviously base ten. LCC uses a combination of letters and numbers, which makes it more of a base 260 than anything. As well, DDC has a very large section devoted to different kinds of american history, and a much slimmer section for "world" history.

Because DDC is so inefficient, I figured, "Them smart Brits must have some extremely nifty system that they developed just for their famous library in Londonium, which everyone except for me must know about!"

Unfortunately, I was dead wrong, and I was pounded with messages (one, if you must ask) ridiculing me for even for a second supposing that Brits could POSSIBLY deign to use the silly AMERICAN LCC method, and of COURSE they used the obviously superior DDC, which was of COURSE invented by good ole Brit Melvil Dewey, born in good ole New York.

Thank you, come again.

P.S. Here's a neat thing about the DDC that explains what kinds of places use LCC if you don't believe me. http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mdeweydecimal.html
**/rant**

Other than that . . . I'm extremely depressed that I hadn't visited this site before. Such great criticisms. I'll remember to include a note at the beginning of the next chapter to rename Neville and Hagrid as you see fit if it's unnerving you too badly.

Also . . . Hagrid specifies it to be the best, and I believe that most people infer that it is the only one. Because JKR gives us such little information on the subject . . . well . . . she hasn't.

Since I read the third book, I have been of the opinion that Hagrid was done a great disservice by Dumbledore, especially after I learned in the fourth book that he could have simply been dosed with Veritaserum. So . . . in my version, (which is still VERY AU foryourinformation) Tom Riddle accuses Hagrid, Hagrid is forced to spill the beans by a mild truth serum, in order to save his wand/wizarding life, and Aragog runs off into the forest while Hagrid is telling all.

I don't think that it would make Neville's grandmother's life easier to have a cowed Neville, especially if he's supposed to be the head of his family. Much better to have a strong willed Neville.

By the way: I quite honestly laughed out loud when I heard the part about the Christian-ness, Giovanni. I am extremely sorry. Can my pen name not make it any more clear that I'm not trying to convert you? I'm also an atheist, if it makes you feel more comfortable.

Hmm, I HAVE watched the Naruto series. . . but I feel like Naruto doesn't really cover all that it could if it wanted to with clans. We'll see. I may write a Naruto story later on. In around 20 years, after I've finished this series. Grr, you nonbelievers! I shall prevail.

It turns out that I HAVE read the play. Look. In an anti-drug pamphlet, does it say, "There were a bunch of drug dealers, who were trying to convince billy to let his lungs die"? No. It says, "Billy's good friend Jill gave him a light, because she liked Marijuana, and figured that he would like it too." Only good intentions, you see?

Guess what. Romeo liked Juliet, and figured that Juliet would like Romeo (all great intentions) but they still died from the knife. Or, in Billy and Jill's case, Lung Cancer.

Xiph0, I'm sorry. I just feel like he could have done much better, and, well, the Tempest, Macbeth, Hamlet, and Twelfth Night (or What you Will) all proved to me. In my opinion, Romeo and Juliet is one of Shakespeare's weakest works. Of course, most people seem to like A Midsummer Night's Dream, too, so I suppose I'm a bit peculiar.

Hey, everyone! Read my eighth chapter! Please! (If I'm not allowed to blatantly plug my story on this thread, please email/pm me, and I will change this.)

 

Oh COME ON!

Look at this sentence from the fic:

Do I need to draw an huge arrow here? This actually contraditcs Christianity!

 

Truth. Besides, I'm making up a seperate mythology, in which Yahweh (otherwise known as Elohim, or God) is a nepotist, and knocks off the guy (Asclepius) before Yeshua ben Yoseph in a complete dick move.

 

Sorry for the double post, but I can't edit my old post. I've updated Wit of the Raven, and finally added a tiny smidgen of plot. Not a lot, mind you. Just a tidbit. Don't get too excited.

I've added a bit more Hermione, but she's a bit out of character at the end of the chapter. Comments?

 

Ok... I love this story and where you've previously taken it. I've not been so sure about your Magical Internet deal, but it works with the story. HOWEVER, I couldn't read this past chapter - never in the history of the Fantasy genre have I ever seen a spell called "Connect: Movement", I understand you want your magical system to be reminiscent of some sort of programming language/science/physics based thing, BUT I really can't see Wizards who are at least a century behind the Muggle world in Culture and technology (steam powered Hogwarts Express) using language like that, which has only come into use in the past 5 to 10 years with programming and "Computer-English". Sorry.