Yay finally some criticism

<3 Taure

Oh! Because I didn't mention it in my reply via FFN: 2D Dumbledore is actually very purposeful. Marginalized because I really, really don't want this to be a Harry vs. Dumbledore fic, despite how it looks at the moment.

As for superkids, nah. Just wait till they run into someone who's not thinking "Oh, they're so cute and innocent and hurt". But a valid point. Never meant for them to be above wizards, and they won't be. After all, for powers, they're one-trick ponies, more or less. They've yet to run into a real Occlumens, that I wanted to detail for instance.

And yes, I do love my OC's. Nasty side-effect of my writing method. Lucid dreaming to explore plots. Probably not the most healthy thing to do...

Anyway! Grimm II soon, since this isn't your speed at least

 

I'm pretty sure you could call Dumbledore just that.

 

Didn't care for it. The odds of Harry making it all the way into Russia without anybody raising an eyebrow at a little kid wondering down a street by himself is unlikely at best. The X Men kids didn't really come through to me as interesting, it was more like insert random weird power here, I forgave them of any failings at logic they may have had, due to them being children and mentally traumatized, if not clinically insane.

Except for special cases I have never been a fan of evil/manipulative Dumbledore, as opposed to good/manipulative Dumbledore, which is canon. I tend to like siding with the guy that's trying to save as many human lives as he can, and even the people he is prepared to sacrifice if he can swing it that way.

I really don't care about Durmstrang and it's Death Eater headmaster. More over I could care less about Beauxbatons. Consequently I don't like reading stories that have Harry not attending Hogwarts, this is if he's attending school at all.

Overall I find this fic just like every other fic I've read from Belleradh. It started out really interesting then fell flat on it's face.

2/5 for me, good beginning and interesting twist with the partial memory was a good hook. But the rest didn't fly.

 

Not necessarily into these Harry matures due to getting buttraped stories, but it's an engaging read. Stories a little early, so could get much better or worse (especially if the author's discussing timeskip). 4/5.

 

Maybe it's just my massive expectations from belleradh, but this story felt like an anticlimax.

The beginning was solid, and I was enjoying it up through France (meeting with the Delacours) before I started to lose interest. Taure hit up the points pretty well, and I found myself wishing that Snake or Wolf had been updated (more) instead.

3/5. It's still a pretty good story as far as they go and I don't want to make a potshot of trying to keep it out of the library, but it was much less engaging than her other stories.

 

Why is it that I seem to like the outlet works the best?

Excellent work, belleradh. 5/5

 

...that I wanted to go into detail about. Didn't want to turn this into a massive anti-Dumbledore story.

 

I agree with Taure and Vlad. The OC's really ruin this story, and so does the whole trip to Russia.

2/5

 

I've been following this on TFF, and here's my response from there:

I have to agree with the Chaotic Good/Neutral theme going on here. Righteous bloody vengeance seems to be the order of the day for evildoers, with good reason.

What is Lawful Good/Neutral/Evil doing in this fic so far? Dumbledore seems to be in that camp, and what has he done besides promote his own version of good, the 'Greater Good', which has hurt other people.

It's as Igor said, Dumbledore is an agenda.

It's said that Harry remembers Dumbledore apologizing to an infant Harry for leaving him in the cold for Muggles to take care of him, begrudgingly. So in this case, Dumbledore was sorry that he has done bad things, but does them anyway.

That to me is like a murderer being sorry he kills, but kills anyway and keeps on killing. That idea of repentance and contriteness doesn't wash because the bad behavior doesn't stop.

Harry killing a building full of people to stop their inhuman experiments really was the only way. These people were empowered by those in positions of authority to do what amounted to Dr. Mengele type experiments. The supposed 'gain' from these experiments in the overall picture was not worth the blood shed to get results.

Really, the only way to deal with Dumbledore in this case, with this characterization is to break him like was done in the last chapter and force him to operate on a more equal level, although you always have to watch out for tricks.

Think on what Dumbledore's thoughts in the last chapter were regarding Sirius Black. He is basically leaving the man in jail for even longer because it doesn't serve his purposes as far as Harry goes, even knowing the man didn't recieve a trial and even knowing that Dumbledore was a proponent of fair and equitable justice.

That's the highest form of hypocrisy. It seems Dumbledore can only hold up to his principles and high words as long as they serve his goals. Anything beyond that can die in a fire.

I'll give this fic a high score partially because I find it interesting as an idea, and partially because I like the style that belleradh brings to the table as far as characterization, motivation, etc.

As far as the OCs go, as far as I'm concerned, it makes things interesting. Harry Potter is all about wizards and witches and magic. But an underdeveloped theme in that is how these things relate to the Muggle world and what the Muggle world entails/does.

In Snakecharmer, it was explored in detail the fear/hate relationship wizards had with the Muggle world and how rampant change/the Muggleborn agenda/attitude was percieved and how logically it might not be looked upon favorably. It actually made sense to me, a reader who thinks more from the Muggleborn side of things when reading HP fics.

Wraithspeaker seems to be exploring the opposite, in how the Muggle world can influence the Magical one. Dumbledore tossing Harry into a hateful Muggle environment certainly influenced him, a magical person. Harry's gifts for seeing the dead eventually led to the facility full of the children being experimented on, which goes to show that the Muggle world and Muggles in general can be just as monstrous as any Death Eater or Dark Lord.

Seeing that deeply influenced Harry, just as it put two new people into Harry's life, Elena and Yulia. They in turn will be interacting with and influencing the Magical world. Case in point when Apolline Delacour first met them and saw Yulia's way with only mundane plants, she was fearful of her continued power, adding magical plants to the equation. Same thing with Elena's telekinesis. Those abilities are not one shot kills or god-modes, but they do count for something.

These points remind me of a statement Harry made to Daphne in Snakecharmer. The gist of it was about Daphne and the Pureblood ethos that there is a fundamental difference between wizards and Muggles. This difference is part of the excuse as to why Muggles are treated as such by wizards. Harry brought up the point that wizard or Muggle, the two groups are still human, so any differences, as great as they are, are not so far out of whack as some people would believe.

Or hope.

Thoughts?

 

OCs and a trip to Russia ruining a fic... Think before you post. :|

 

Not quite as good as Grimm, but still really epic.

I quite enjoyed the trip to Russia, but was a bit unsure about the OCs at first, but on the whole they seem to fit.

Favourite part by far though, was how Harry could speak with ghosts, and the paranormal Sixth Sense vibe resulting of that.

Harry not going to Hogwarts is a plus here in my book, because this author actually is talented enough to describe an alternate school properly.

All in all one of the better WIPs around, at the moment.

5/5

 

Small hiatus on this one, while I refocus on two other projects.

Grimm II and an original. Grimm II because I'm up to it finally, and the original due to fanfiction is becoming stifling, so I wanted to spread my wings a bit.

I won't be whoring myself out like JBern, though. No offense.

 

Haitus? Bah.

I was looking forward to more of this as well.

Best part about the story, was as someone else said, how you made us care about the children in that place, your descriptions of the horrors were quite excellent.

 

eh, won't be a long hiatus. Just enough so I can swap focus.

If it's any consolation, my projects are usually rather frenzied. I don't expect it to be very long.

 

I'm the opposite. I generally think Belleradh's stuff is v. overrated (Snakecharmer was like the world's worst conglomeration of lame canon and H/DG cliches) but I like this. I like that it's branching out into new stuff instead of just rehashing the same old Hogwarts shit. Harry is interesting and not retarded.

 

Ew. I liked it, but only enough to give an unbiased 4/5.

The angst that Harry and the kids are having, while very allowable given circumstances, really dragged the story down for me. Alongside this, Mrs. Delacour is a big failure of a human being. Allowing herself to be threatened in her own home, even after telling them not to? She should've kicked them out right there, if she's the supposed 'royalty' that her family has given her means anything at all. She's a beautiful woman who has many connections; and yet, these children with less than a decade of life to themselves are the single-most shocking and interesting thing in the world to her.

Dumbledore being a cliched "NOOOOO *tantrum" guy really put me off too. He's had over 150 years of life; and, somehow, this one kid changing school is his only reason for existing now, or something? Has he no fallbacks (that aren't transparent), despite using his exceptionally-large brain to think shit through?

Overall, I'd have to give the eleventh chapter a 3/5, and the rest of the story a 5/5. It felt like a big non-sequiter.

EDIT: Fuck you write fast, belleradh.

 

I don't think his tantrum was about Harry changing school per say, it seemed more realistically to be about losing his connection to the second Hallow, and then to have Igor taunt him with the line:

I think to a man who spent a large portion of his life obsessing over the Hallows, (and being a total control freak), having one removed from his control only to be taunted about it would be a kick in his wrinkly foreskin.

Really enjoyed the story in general as well, did find some of the powers Elena is whipping up, like the mind connection conversations at dinner, to be pointlessly showy. It's making me kinda worried about how we're going to see Elena's (and Yulia's) powers develop? As the two of them already seem to be able to do what ever they put their minds to in their respective fields. I'd love to see them developing and growing into their powers as they age through the next 4 years but I'm worried now they're going to end up, as Taure said, far too overpowered.

Despite my worries though I really enjoy the dark tones and strong personalities in this story, especially the look into the muggle goverments attempts to re-create magical effects, hope they make don't just disappear now we have the girls there. So a strong 4/5 for me.

One last thing though, the ghosts all pooling their energy into Harry kinda felt a bit WTF... I think its too much time as a child watching Animes, but when picturing Harry floating off the floor hair standing on end firing a big beam of ghost Energy into the Circuit Board all I could think was 'His hair better not permenantly change colour after this...'

 

I *REALLY* like this, esp the OCs. Believable plot, characters. Really liked the characterization at the prison lab there, made us really emphasize with your characters. Cant get enough of this. 5/5

 

Really? I thought it was much more Dresden-esque than anime, since there is a very similar scene to this in the third book (Grave Peril), if only you switched electricity with fire.

 

I had actually forgotten about that =/ I really need to go back and re-read the earlier Dresdens before the new one comes out. I think it was the whole floating thing, and using the energy of all the spirits, it kinda felt like DBZ style with an Anti-Spirit Bomb. I half expected Harry to gain some chiche white streak in his hair or something after channeling all the spirits, thank god he didn't...