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WIP You Belong to Me (I Belong to You) by Cild_OTKW

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by Madval29, Aug 28, 2021.

  1. Madval29

    Madval29 First Year

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    Title: You Belong to Me (I Belong to You)
    Author: Child_OTKW
    Rating: N/A
    Genre: adventure/action
    DLP Category: Time Travel
    Pairing: N/A
    Status: Work in Progress (more than 96,000 words)
    Summary:
    “What I find absolutely fascinating,” Riddle said, stalking closer, “is you.” He marched forward, backing Harry up until he was pinned to the cool wall of the common room. “Do you know why?”

    “No. And I’ll be honest here, Riddle, I don’t particularly care.”

    The taller boy grinned at him, small yet infinitely pleased. “That. Right there.” One hand rose and brushed some of Harry’s fringe from his face. “Nathan Ciro was a spineless little boy too afraid of his own shadow to dare even glance in my direction. But you…”

    He leaned closer, “You look at me like you want to stab me.”

    After an accident, Auror Harry Potter wakes up in the body of fourteen year old Nathan Ciro, a tormented Slytherin who recently tried to end his own life. Seeking answers to his strange predicament, Harry returns to Hogwarts, and causes quite the stir through staff and students - especially when they come to realise he is not the same boy as before.

    He tries to avoid suspicion, but as his quest for the truth draws more and more attention to him, Harry begins to think that he might not like what he will discover.

    Link:https://archiveofourown.org/works/11270490
    Tags:Time Trave, Body SwapRiddle at Hogwarts EraSlytherin PoliticsSlytherin HarryGrey HarryAuror HarryMind GamesObsessive BehaviorPossessive BehaviorImplied/Referenced Rape/Non-conRape AftermathUnderage Rape/Non-conSuicide AttemptThe Non-con is not between Harry and TomMaster of Death Harry PotterMild HorrorMinor Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley

    Okay, so I am absolutely 100% obsessed with this story. There’s not a true pairing between any of the characters but there’s some minor Harry pining for his life with Ginny, but again very minor. I’ve added the tags from the story on Ao3 for reference but the suicide attempt and rape are not described in detail.

    The plot of this story follows an adult Harry who is sent back into the body of a spineless kid in the midst of his Hogwarts years. For those that are worried about Harry trying to hide his abilities, Harry embodies the “I don’t give a fuck” mindset and has no qualms about holding back his violent tendencies against bullies.

    There are some standout characters that I truly enjoy for their unique characterization, particularly Orión Black and how he easily rationalizes what is happening around him.

    Dumbledore is a complex figure in this story, and I like how it avoids him stepping in and solving the problem or even becoming “in the loop” about Harry’s status.

    Also, the interactions with Riddle aren’t rife with the “I have to hide who I am by acting different.” There is some of the hiding who Harry is, but it isn’t to the extent of changing himself.

    There is a heavy undertone of how Harry got to this point, and what “The Master of Death” truly means. And, while it was slightly confusing, I don’t think it detracts from the story.

    I would rate this fic as a solid 4/5 because I know that there’s a very strict reviewing process, and I’m not the biggest fan of how the spoiler above was handled. However, I’m a huge fan of this story and devour each new chapter. It updates every 4-5 months give or take a month. Recent updates: August 2021, April 2021. (Also, this is my first post, so I hope that I’ve done it right. I tried to see if this fic was anywhere else and couldn’t find it.)
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2021
  2. haphnepls

    haphnepls Sixth Year

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    Yep, read it already, and while it was a good enough read to get through all of it, I still have some objections.

    The flow in the first couple of chapters is too frantic. The author struggles to deliver two different sets of expositions; Harry's past, and the circumstances of the newly inhabited body, and it's all mingled with highlighting Harry's character. And then comes the influx of the new things-the things with which the story should've started in the first place-and they are somewhat disconnected from the story due to the author jiggling so many different aspects at the same time.

    His parents are Lord and Lady, he is recovering, and it's just so many major things influencing the story so early. There's depression, there's reconnecting with his family, abuse, rape, Harry's proactiveish stance...and it's all happening at the same time, robbing the story of actual implications, of the depth these things should have, but they simply don't.

    There are also cores, wandless magic, the new level of power - not a fan if I'm being honest. The Slytherin hierarchy, on the other side, I can get behind, but aspects of it are not handled that well. For instance, the first time we hear about it, there's this boy boasting that he's at the top of it. I mean, I get it they are angsty and edgy teenagers, but the line(s) around its introduction just shows the inability to handle the subtlety of powerplays of any level. It's either people brawling for such positions or it's based on blood, power, and whatnot, and with that introduction, I'm really not sold on it.

    The characters are very well written though. That's the best aspect of this story. I like how the author handles Harry, Orion, Tom, and even the characters with less screen time are all unique, different, and well-written. So yeah, I think after the shaky beginning, the story really takes on somewhere around Hogwarts. It's definitely the best part of the story, and it continues to be intriguing all the way up to the 16th chapter.

    I don't want to spoil it, but that chapter pretty much ruined the rest of the story, and I'm hopeful that the author would rethink the implications that the chapter had. It's just so out of the blue, and it's redirecting the path that I thought was already set, it changes the narrative completely, and it's the story I don't want to read about.

    Then, the last published chapter gets over all that nonsense and continues where it left on, with equal quality and without many aspects of the terribleness of the previous chapter, for which I'm glad.

    It stinks of a story not properly thought through and it shows. But the bones of the story are solid enough, and writing engaging, with enough intrigue for me to keep reading it. Honestly, in the beginning, it was 2/5, and then it goes up and down, at uneven intervals, and because of inconsistency, and questionable plot devices, I can't rate this over 3/5.

    2/5 is too low since it's perfectly readable and 4/5 requires some effort, abandonment of the cliches that don't do anything for the story and rethinking meh plot devices.
     
  3. M.L.

    M.L. Groundskeeper

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    This is super gay. I don’t mean that in a disparaging way. It just might be the most homosexual thing I’ve ever gotten three chapters into.
     
  4. Odran

    Odran Fourth Champion

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2013
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    3,091
    Having had a look at the author's other works, which are either Tom Ridde/Harry Potter or Regulus Black/Tom Riddle, I agree.

    I read through all 17 chapters and while I could see some neat stuff about it, altogether it focuses too much on the gay shit. I have no way of knowing whether the author is a fujoshi or not, but it sure as fuck reads like one of them wrote this. It's not blatant, all in your face, but 17 chapters in and female characters are non-existent, other than as peripherals who are there to just worry and care for the main character, while all along you see male POVs and all of them look at Harry vaguely homosexual.

    I would say this is a 2/5 if only for a somewhat neat premise, but the execution leaves much to be desired.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2021
  5. Eimim

    Eimim First Year

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    I've read this before and it's one of my favourite time travel fics. Sure, it's not a masterpiece, but the characters especially stand out.
    I think it might even be 4/5, for this genre
     
  6. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    This fic is the perfect example of how you can spot "the slash style" even when it's not written as a male/male pairing. The interactions between Harry and Tom are so touchy feely, so urgh, like Harry taking enjoyment out of frustrating Riddle etc. like the slash equivalent of pulling a girl's ponytail. All the character interactions just seem to take place within the "slash reality" where humans interact completely differently to real life.

    I confess, I do love a bit of "don't give a fuck" magically competent time-travelling Harry, but much of the joy that would be derived from the magic in the fic is eliminated by the shitty magical theory.

    Also, the author has done the stupid "no capital letters in the title" thing which is an immediate turn off.

    Edit:

    How to spot a slash writer at 50 paces:

     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2021
  7. Dn18

    Dn18 Third Year

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    I agree with Taure. I enjoyed the start, as I am also a fan of magically competent time-travelling Harry, but the weird interactions and strange thought process made me drop it.

    What is with the no capital letter thing anyway? I saw this on AO3 quite a bit but just assumed the people did not know how to write.
     
  8. soczab

    soczab Professor

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    I actually enjoyed the story a good deal. I mean its not the greatest thing ever made but i got sucked in, read it start to finish, had my moments of enjoyment and where I got absorbed into what was happening. I cared about this harry and emphasized with him. To me its a good 3.5 stars, and i rounded it up for liking the concept
     
  9. Madval29

    Madval29 First Year

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    I feel like this is just a quirk of AO3. I see it all over the place. It’s not something that I usually notice.
     
  10. Drachna

    Drachna Sixth Year

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    I thought that it was very well written, gripping, and interesting. The author seems to have a firm grasp on his characters and the direction in which the story is going.

    I would certainly recommend it for the library.

    5/5.
     
  11. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Harry normally has brown skin?
     
  12. Villanelle

    Villanelle Groundskeeper

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    @Ched

    Gottastay streets ahead.

    I don't particularly care, but it makes some people happy.
     
  13. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    I like this pretty well but I'm not... hmmm. I don't see as many of the 'gay' vibes that y'all do or find the tone as off-putting. But I guess I can see it, from Orion's version of 'madness' involving lots of hand-holding to the antagonistic relationship with Riddle that reads like a shonen protagonist's rival, I can see it.

    Anyway... 3.5/5 tentatively rounding up? It's an interesting read that can squeak into the library. I'd have leaned more towards 3/5 until the last handful of chapters when things got a bit more interesting but on the whole I suppose it rounds up. Time will tell tho now that we're finally getting into the meat of things.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2021
  14. moribund_helix

    moribund_helix First Year

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    Aug 23, 2021
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    I'd understand if this was presented as a guilty pleasure. Honestly I don't mind the gay stuff and I really enjoy time-travel especially with a powerful character.

    But c'mon. This story is just not good. No real characters and interactions, no development, it's all just a vehicle to get us to Tom/Harry. And not a good slash either.

    I'd gathered from reddit that DLP has better selection of quality stories but so far I've had greater success of finding something readable on /r/hpfanfiction than on DLP's library. And if stories like this regularly make it to the library I can see why.

    1/5
     
  15. Gene

    Gene Third Year

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    I think the story could really use an editor willing to tamp down on the touchy-feely quasi-romantic interactions that mostly don't exist between teenage boys, and romance is absolutely not something this story should pursue, not minimally because Harry has expressed absolutely no interest in it.

    That said, it's a well-written and well-executed quasi-time travel story with fine technical writing and a fairly gripping plot. I'd give it a 3.5/5, rounding up if you can ignore the slash vibes, rounding down if you can't get over the fact that the author seems to have never actually encountered male friendship without romantic overtones.