Well, I don't usually post twice consecutively ESPECIALLY on the same day, but I felt this warranted it.

First, updated for those interested.

Second, I am pretty disappointed honestly. Don't get me wrong, the story is still GOOD, but no longer great.

I would have LOVED it if things turned out worse than before. Sadly, you didn't go that direction. That's fine, but the story has frankly taken a turn for the worse in this chapter.

The way you depict "the Light" and "The Dark?" It seems childish and VERY skewed. Clearly, you have NO shades of Gray in your world, or your characters. They declare themselves, and that's it.

Why would ANYONE declare themself "Dark?" With all the connotations it has, its political and social suicide in any normal sense. And phrases like this:

seem stupid and forced.

And unnatural. Why not say "God"? It seems like you're forcing it to be a religious issue, with the "Light" side as holy and devout and the "Dark" as Satanist. Hell, you go so far as to describe Voldemort as LITERALLY repelling light away from him. And terms like "Lord of Light"

Stop it. You force the characters to lose their humanity. What about Rufus Scrimgeour? is he a "Light wizard?" Or Fudge?

By making it so Black and White you remove the complexity from your story and thus cheapen it. And I guess everyone's going to survive right?

Remus will be healed, James somehow made it, and Sirius, who was THROWN through the air, and dueled 2 (TWO!) Deatheaters will be fine.

Maybe some anonymous aurors died, but certainly none of our major players did, RIGHT!!

And Minerva and Lily going toe to toe with Voldemort. Voldemort can't be so deadly if two people are able to face him. If Albus EASILY defeats the Inner Circle in OotP (DoM) and struggles against Voldemort, than Voldemort is truly powerful. Minerva doesn't have to be stupid OR weak, but on par with the those two? Please!

And FYI, there is NO phrase "Light Wizard" in canon. There is "Dark Wizard" but that's it.

And WHY is Harry so powerful? He hasn't been "marked as Voldemort's equal yet" so he shouldn't have any of his magical strength or prowess.

OCclumency, fine. He learned that Skill, maybe Metamorph, but that's IT. In this world, Harry is as powerful as the son of James and Lily SHOULD be. No Parseltongue, no "Raw magic that was almost on par with the Dark Lord's".

And that scene at the end was comic. A baby standing up, and ranting as stumbles over words and calls the Dark Lord a "lu-ser" and threatens to kick his ass.


Your story was GREAT, and up until the 5th Chapter, was fantastic even.

Now, I don't know. I'll read the next chapter, and see if it improves, otherwise I don't really care. I frankly don't expect it to. I'll read more perhaps if you respond to this post and can actually justify the direction your story is taken. Otherwise, NOT INTERESTED.

Sorry, for coming off as a hard-ass, but this story was REALLY good at first, and now I'm EXCEPTIONALLY disappointed.

I don't recommend this fic, at least not as it stands. I was REALLY ticked by the 5th chapter as you can tell.

Check it out. You may LOVE it.

YOur Harry is absurd though. Could you imagine? A 3-year old, dueling the Dark Lord, and shouting whiny statements?

 

Wow, chuck, cool it a bit. Though some parts are questionable, The same could be said about almost every fic, including your own. At least organize the post a bit more easily, for thoughs who skim when reading at forums, I missed the comment

over your parting comment.

Aim to help, not to confuse.

Now that I'm over that, Yes that scene was a bit... off, but what the author says, goes, not much we can do about that after it has been posted.

 

Sorry I can't really respond to all your comments (since it'd be super-long, then), but I'll try to answer some of your questions:

This fact has to do with what the original author wrote. Apparently, according to the original author, the magical cores of their future selves merged with their younger, thus making them much more powerful. Now, according to Muhjaa-ness, Minerva is on par with Dumbledore, and Harry much more than that. All of this will, of course, be revealed. Remember, we're only at the THIRD chapter. A lot of your previous questions will also be revealed, but slowly. It would be a horrible story to reveal everything in the beginning. And boring, too.

Also, you'd be amazed at what a devoted person can accomplish in two years. I mean, Harry is already shown to be pretty advanced, if he exerts himself in cannon. (Patronus at thirteen?) And Albus Dumbledore has just died. I think that's pretty powerful motivation right there. And he is not at all as knowledgeable as Minerva. Not at all. You'll see subtle differences between Minerva's POV and Harry's POV. Minerva sees more things, catches more things. Harry is pretty good for his age. But Minerva is 75 years old. She is *much* more experienced.

Lastly, Harry is a metamorphmagus. Not a strong one, but he is one. This assumption (which is my own) is based on the fact that Harry grows his hair out in cannon before Hogwarts.

Well, you've only seen the POVs of *Light* wizards and witches. They are bound to be prejudiced. I've taken a whole year of AP World History, which has pounded into me the differences of POVs. I tried to show that in my story.

Minerva is a Light witch. She has declared for the Light. And no matter how much she tries to be impartial, she *will* have some prejudice, a bias, a point of view upon the matter. Please, don't judge *me* because of *her* beliefs!

Again, we are only at chapter three. I fully intend to go more in-depth into this matter. You've only scratched the surface. Don't judge a book by the first few chapters, please! ^^

Again, it's unnatural because everything so far as been from the point of view of Light wizards and witches. If you'll notice in cannon, there is a rather large prejudice against Dark wizards. And true, I've made LV rather evilish--but you must agree that while there are such things as shades of grey, there is still black and white as well. LV is black. And you'll understand more, later.

Again, POV difference. It's actually my intention to bring in Rufus Scrimgeour early. And there are people who are undeclared. Minerva is rather traditional, and pure-blooded. She has declared. She is also 75. Many of the younger generations have not. But again, you'll see this later on.

I hate fics that have needless people die, Aurors dying left and right. Aurors are trained wizards, for goodness sakes! So many stories in FF.Net portray the light side as being weak, unable to put up a good fight. It's stupid, and rather childish.

Yes, Death Eaters are good, and ruthless. But, for heaven's sake, Aurors are TRAINED wizards who have been fighting these guys are ages now. They are TRAINED to fight them.

If you read cannon, you'll find that Lily and James have both thrice defied LV. They've escaped three times! That obviously means that they are pretty damn good at fighting.

And you'll notice also in cannon that Sirius is easily a match for his cousin, Bellatrix. Handling one more shouldn't be too difficult.

And besides, by now, all the worthless Aurors have already been killed. Only the good ones are left. Remember, JK said that by this point, it seemed that LV was on the verge of winning.

You'll see from my writing, that Lily is absolutely *no* match for LV. And Minerva, as I mentioned earlier, is as powerful as Albus now. Yet even then, LV tosses her out the wall as though she were nothing (and this is true, Minerva, though powerful, is no where near the level of AD).

Again, because Harry's future magical core came back. (This isn't my plot bunny, it's the original author's. And she asked me to keep these things!) Thus, Parseltongue is still there, and yes, there is a ton of raw magic.

He's fifteen months old, a year and a half. And he doesn't duel LV, he's just let loose a lot of Accidental Magic. And yes, he's 18, he can shout all he wants. His mouth just isn't good at it.



Now, I hope I answered most of your comments. Seriously, you should wait until things are explained, man. I'm only on the third chapter!

You're judging this when you haven't even read the explanations behind them, and I find it crazy offensive. Seriously.

 

Here is an extension of what I've posted before in my LJ, a chapter outline of Young Again: The Rewrite.

(SPOILDER WARNING!)

Prologue -- An End, and A Beginning
Chapter 01 -- The Past, and The Future
Chapter 02 -- Suspicions
Chapter 03 -- Fragment of a Soul (Parts I and II)
Chapter 04 -- Drawing Out the Plan
Chapter 05 -- The Boy Who Lived
Chapter 06 -- The Aftermath
Chapter 07 -- To Christmas
Chapter 08 -- Murder of New Year's
Chapter 09 -- Call of the Order
Chapter 10 -- Sirius, to Azkaban?
Chapter 11 -- Down with the Werewolf
Chapter 12 -- To Be an Older Brother
Chapter 13 -- Training the Boy Who Lived
Chapter 14 -- Mudbloods Must Die
Chapter 15 -- Bloody Goblins and Their Gold
Chapter 16 -- Vampires and Hospitals
Chapter 17 -- A Whirlwind of Politics
Chapter 18 -- The Wizengamot
Chapter 19 -- You are my Sister
Chapter 20 -- Overwhelmed with Fear
Chapter 21 -- The Slytherin Locket
Chapter 22 -- Harry James Potter, Hero
Chapter 23 -- Hogwarts Acceptance Letter
Epilogue -- Only the Beginning of Terror

There you have it. It will most likely change drastically as I go along (actually, I just remembered two whole plot lines that I forgot to include in this outline). But this is the most basic outline. I hope to be done by the end of summer.

As you can guess by the title of Chapter 23, Harry is indeed eleven yearsold at last by then. He's going to Hogwarts.

I hate chapters 17 and 20-22. Horrible things have I planned. *evil cackle* (Chapter 17 and 18 have to do with Fudge. Minerva and Harry do not want him around. They'll take him down early. lol)

No. Really. Painful. Like, there's going to be a major character death, painful.

Not sure what to call the next installment. I'll look at that when I'm close to finishing Young Again. I don't know if I'll have separate fics for each year (if I have enough plot-bunnies for that) or if I'll put a couple of years together. No clue.

Anyway, that's it for now. I'm very excited about this. Very.


~liath

 

Egads Chuck. Yeah I disagree pretty thoroughly with a lot of your assessment here. Though the author's already defended himself a lot, it feels more like Chuck here is the one whos defining things and prejudiced. True there are many "Light" wizards swearing by the Light, looking to the Light for guidance. This is a source of their power and focus. The "Dark" can work just as well I would imagine. It feels like Chuck has automatically decided "Light" means good guys. If I were to make a guess I get the feeling it's more like Light and Dark coexist, interact just fine (I mean Minerva, or anyone apparently who reaches a mastery essentially must choose Light or Dark it seems. She didn't seem to think choosing Dark was a horrible option just not right for her from the way I inferred it.) Choosing Light doesn't make you good or Dark make you evil. But in the event of a war, I would imagine you are most inclined to be drawn to those serving the same side as you. Light or Dark. The victors and the history books are where you call it Good or Evil. For all we know Harry could be self-proclaimed Dark. I'm doubtful of that but he could be.

It's like you're complaining "Why declare yourself Palestinian or Israeli? There should be middle ground here!" (*I realize this may be a wretched and extreme example but you get the point I'm trying to make.) Just because the beliefs are strongly opposing each other doesn't mean the people on either side are all that different. Nor should one personal choice necessarily reflect their opinion on all matters and people making the same decision who either choose differently or similarly.

And for what it's worth, I loved this last chapter. The action and pacing literally had me tense. True I wanted super!harry to randomly appear and fight Voldemort just for the complete ridiculousness of that image (either baby exploding hulk-power or baby dueling). But for me this chapter was a step in the right direction, certainly not a step back.

 

Wow.

I re-read my post, and I seem like a REAL prick.

First let me apologize. I didn't cross the line. I went so far past that I broke that Motherfucker, built another, then snapped that bitch in half too!

I think I was SO psyched for a new chapter, and when I felt it didn't deliver I was FURIOUS!

And unjustifiably so. It was a TREMENDOUS overreaction. (This isn't an excuse, but it should be explained that I'm in the middle of Finals right now, and I may have taken out my stress on you. Genuinely Sorry about that.)

For the record, the auror comment was sarcasm. My point was that a major player should die.

The magical core thing IS stupid, but its your call.

The original author is an egomaniacal, prima donna. You should be granted full freedom to make the story however you want.

Again though, the Magical core thing is kind of stupid to me. That you should be allowed to exclude. That's really my only complaint as it explains how Minerva was able to do so well against him.


Last thing, is that Minerva should be able to mop the floor with ANY Death Eater now other than Voldemort. Afterall, Albus EASILY does.

About people dying again. It adds genuine jeopardy to the story and makes Wormtail's betrayal have actual value and significance. I think maybe Remus should die or something. Afterall, damage inflicted by a Werewolf can't be magically healed. So that arm is....I don't know what he's gonna do.


Anyway, my most SINCERE apologies.

UPDATE SOON!!!


P.S. Really sorry

P.P.S. I disagree with Nonjon though about this chapter's direction. He says a step in the right direction. Before I felt it was a back-step.

Now I feel its more of a side-step. Which could be good depending on how the next chapter goes.

Anyway, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED for what its worth

 

I liked chapter five.

I really don't mind the magical core thing though. It makes sense that if Harry's mind?mentality could be transported, then his magic would follow (I'd get even more sick of a baby!harry if he had to start again magically as well). But I do agree though that someone needs to die -

 

Actually, I'm kinda surprised that all of you think someone *isn't* going to die.

Well... No. Something worse is going to happen. Death is not the worst thing that can happen, you know!

My goodness!

And I'm also kinda surprised no one, not one reviewer, mentioned the Longbottoms. I expected at least one person to ask what happened to them.

Hmm.....

 

Ooops. Forgot about them. But we know they were attacked. And Dumbledore went to help them I believe. Maybe he managed to get something worse than death. Doubt it, but maybe.

And we're just two chapters from "The Boy-Who-Lived". So that opens the door to maybe Neville being involved somehow as he managed to live in the original fic when baby Harry protected him. I don't think this Voldemort is going to be bouncing any killing curses off of Harry too soon, so it also could simply be Minerva telling them the story. Then again it's followed by "The Aftermath" so who knows.

The Longbottoms could be toasty, Neville could be toasty, Albus could be toasty. Even Minerva might have landed somewhere dangerous/deadly/unfortunate. Not to mention the hanging battle between James and possessed!Peter. Dunno. Too soon to tell.

 

I still don't like the comibined magic thing. That's tangible. If your soul is just memories, feelings, etc. than Magic shouldn't go back also.

That one part just really bums me out. Story is still great, but...

Anyway, I was wondering, is it really fair, if the "Light" has two people as powerful as Albus and Minerva Plus Harry, and Voldemort has just himself?

I'll be frank. I re-read my earlier posts, and I think I was/am concerned that this is going to turn into a SuperPowered Harry.

I LOVE this fic.

But I don't want it turn into this. ALready you've got two of the cliches working though. Metamorph!Harry, and Doing incredible feats at an incredibly young age. Don't make Harry a parseltongue. Fuck what the original author wants. I read hers it sucks. Yours is FAR better. Don't bend your writing to what a BAD writer wants. That's like Steven Spielberg taking advice from Michael Bay (Bay sucks.)

 

As much as I'd like to defend Michael Bay for making such wonderful movies, I'll save that argument for later.

But I'm not surprised about the combined magic thing.

I always refer back to Voldemort in canon, floating as specter. It's never been flat out-stated but I got the feeling the power Voldemort commands isn't something just anyone could do the same rituals and do. And after he was powerless and bodiless, they still made him a body to get back up to full power. An indication that the power and magic is more a part of the soul than the body.

I've never had any problems with Super-powered!Harry. Simply because even from canon, Voldie is the exact example of a superpower. Building Harry to his level I much prefer to some dumb-luck or otherwise sort of battle. It's only the author who go and make Harry an order of magnitude greater than Voldie. Voldie's got the power, the skill, and now it seems knowledge of a future that won't come to pass. Harry and Minerva have the knowledge and may have potentially doubled their power. Doesn't change their skill. And even Minerva doubled only lasted a few minutes with Voldemort.

I could care less if Harry's a parseltongue, but if he's going back, I think all of him should. Or maybe that piece of Voldie that made Harry a parseltongue was the piece this Voldie just took back.

 

Just to put in my two cents (after a week of pause)...

I'm not dissapointed by this outcome, but I'm not thrilled either.

The way I see it, Voldemort now knows pretty much everything from the future and he's not likely to AK Harry any time soon. Harry obviously won't have any time to grow up and train a bit before being forced to fight Voldemort (confirmed by your summary).

Furthermore, this gives Voldemort MUCH bigger advantage than it did to Harry & Minerva - unlike them, Voldemort doesn't have to collect evidence and bring his enemies to court. He knows all the light supporters (including spies - Snape?) and their skills - he can just go around and start picking them one by one.

I can see that all this will end up with 5-6 year old Harry acting all tough and fighting death eaters, which, while being cute, isn't actually epic battles I expected to see.

I'd have much prefered to see one of the characters dying in a "love shield" and Harry having several years to grow up and turn into an non-cute teenage hero character (or in other words, skip boring childhood).

But I guess it stands what Chuck had said - "light" side has Albus, Minerva and Harry, all apparently being able to match Voldemort, at least for a little while. If Harry is given time to grow up and train up a bit, I don't suppose Voldemort would have much chance at all.

That said, I must confess that I actually LOVED emphasis on dark/light wizards and witches. Unlike in other fics, this divide seems much deeper than simple good/bad guys, almost religious. I also liked that you made this actual divide in two different types of magic, rather than human mentality or other moralistic crap. "Light" side isn't all goody-good like in other fics - I absolutely loved how Minerva was dishing out "justice in the name of the light" left and right. In short, light guys are actually cool for a change, almost like some mideval paladins or religious fanatics. Sweet.

Anyway, keep writing and good luck.

 

Wow, there really are a lot of mixed feelings about LV remembering, and people are making wrong assumptions.

LV does not know the future. At all. He only has the vaguest feelings, like a sense of de-ja'vous. He remembers very important highlights, like the lightning scar and the Boy Who Lived--but nothing very tangible.

Of course, he knows now not to AK Harry. But he'll try to work around his "vague" remembrance of the future--and I've got the perfect thing in mind. LV will try to change the future to his advantage.... and it doesn't quite work the way he wants it to.

LV will be gone in chapter five, The Boy Who Lived. He'll make a big mistake, while trying to prevent himself from making another mistake. His body will be destroyed, his soul will live on--but it'll give Harry time to grow up, and time to deal with possessed!Peter (yes, spoiler right there.)

So, no, it won't have a 5-6 year old dealing with DEs. More like, it'll give Harry time to prepare himself. He'll be 10-ish when everything begins to happen. The chapters titled, "Overwhelmed with Fear" and "The Slytherin Locket" are pretty big clues to that.

The "love shield" *will* appear. With a twist, of course. My mind was working overload for a few days trying to think up a nice little twist. And I think I have the perfect idea in mind. lol...

Now, as for the imbalance of power. Let's see. Albus has always balanced LV in the sense that LV feared Albus. *But* we must also remember that LV is winning at this point, and Albus isn't as all-powerful as we'd like to think (Snape AKed him easily). Also, I plan to make LV much more devious and smarter than cannon or many fanfics make him out to be. He's Slytherin's heir, the very epitome of what it means to be sly and cunning. That will balance things out. Of course, there will be twists along the way. I love twists, and you'll find that I put in a lot of twists into my fic.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked my portrayal of the Light. I've always found that most fics just don't do them justice.

Well, I better go now!


~liath

 

For those interested: Chapter Four, Drawing Out the Plans, has been posted on FF.Net.

 

I just read the newest chapter and I must say, that I really like your story. It's good that it's not the typical Harry-goes-back-to-11-year-old-self story, but instead an original story. I hope you keep writing like this and update soon.

 

Everything was great, except the ending, which seemed rushed and illogical; after all, what's the point of "Hogwarts the safest place in the world", if just anyone can waltz in and kidnap people using portkeys (aren't there wards to stop that?)

I guess you could explain this with Albus forgeting to remove Pettigrew from the wards "allowed" list, but that's still a weak excuse...

 

Nah, it's more like Pettigrew is possessed by the heir of Slytherin.

Besides, Dumbles isn't there at the moment, allowing Wormtail to slip in. Also, remember, he's an Animagus and virtually undetectable. (We see this in PoA, when Pettigrew actualy *lives* in Hogwarts for nearly three years without being caught.) Oh, and the portkeys? The Goblet of Fire pretty much clears up the "no Portkey" ward. Of course, Albus will learn his lesson, now.... lol.....

So. I really found nothing stopping Pettigrew from waltzing in there. I mean, he's got Tom Riddle in his head, an Animagus form, and Dumbles being missing. Perfect opportunity. In fact, too perfect.

Where is Albus Dumbledore?

 

Heh, I always found that strange... I guess they removed the wards for the duration of Triwizard Tournament, so that injured players could be wisked away or something... otherwise, it'd be just too easy for Malfoy to charm, say Harry's toilet paper into a Portkey that would take him to Voldemort...

 

Fantastic. I REALLY hope it wont be Harry/Luna though.
And that he will learn about Dumbledores manipulations.

 

I agree with IP82.

Fantastic except for the ending. I didn't like that, and it felt like a convenient and easy way to get the Potter's to Voldemort. I would rather he kidnapped them during the duel or some other time. I got the same impression about the GoF as IP82.

Also, don't forget how locked up and tight Hogwarts is in HBP. THis is because they've recognized that a war is on. If they were HALF that secure during this period, then one of the first things they'd have is anti-portkey stuff.

Other than that, it was GREAT. Lots of talking, but I guess that's needed right now to set-up things for the future.