... Well colour me interested. I think I read the first chapter of this at some point and dropped it due to not being in the mood for this type of story at the time.

Will definitely check this out.

 

I've read the first couple of chapters. The idea is interesting but so far it's let down by the author's grasp of English and his blatant BDSM fetish. I'll come back and leave a proper review once I have more read but it's definitely decent so far despite these issues.

 

The premise of this story looks very interesting. Unfortunately the litany of spelling mistakes and grammar errors in the first few paragraphs alone, make this fic very hard to read.
I cannot in good faith leave a rating, but if you are considering reading this, go in prepared.

 

So i binged this over the last two days and the critic sesc have put forward is pretty accurate.

I like the whole idea behind the shards and the extra power it grants. And I like limitations put on our protagonist, how they have to cope with their new bodies, families, friends etc.

But for me personally, the whole thing falls flat. Because the interesting thing about the premise, is that we have these four individuals, that has come from a world where you wouldn't hesitate to murder a fellow student, so you could dig around in their body for a shard.

In the prologue we are introduced to all four indirectly, and a picture of power, madness and darkness is painted - but where is that aura in our protagonists? They dont feel like people from a violent and unforgiving world, they mostly read like fucked up kids. Why are the "King" not constantly thinking how they will conquer this world or something along those lines? Why are Hermione and Daphne so weak spirited? If Daphne was some kind of dangerous Queen, then why in the world does she seem so weak when confronted with her dominating farther?

It isnt her father after all. Not a single thought about getting the Qeens together and slicing him up? No?

maybe Im being to homicidal with this. But I truly miss some ruthlessness in the protagonist. If not in action, then atleast in thought.

Rating this is tricky - because I did enjoy it. The idea is good, but after 80k words I dont really think anything has happened.

so 3/5 for me. I will keep an eye on it and see if the author just brings it all home.

 

I understand the justification of Peggy Sue time travel, but reading about 11 year olds making out is never not gonna be fucking weird at the very least. And that's on top of all the other shit.

Time travel with an extreme abuse backstory, so extreme, in fact, that it just comes off absurd. The author's grasp of English isn't good enough to write well or sell me on their worldbuilding, the text is riddled with mistakes. Dialogue is cringe as fuck. I'm on chapter 4 and I'm getting zilch of the personality of people who murdered 3001 people to get out of Azkaban, and their home dimension has so far been made to be more grim than a crossover between Warhammer 40k and Circular Reasoning.

What's been hinted at of the backstory of the home dimension is interesting has the potential to become interesting, but the story is taking place in the canon world. If I'm gonna read a fic starting in 1st year, it has do something eye-catching from the start, like go AU (PotDK, Old Blood).

I predict this'll be another dark!Harry indy fic where Harry and the gang are licensed to kill and be EdGy by virtue of their Tragic Backstory while still hitting all the stations of canon, except with gore and sex added to make it seem different.

I'm not rating because I've only read 4 chapters, but this is guilty pleasure at best. If you're not already into this kind of story, I doubt you'll find much substance here.

 

I read it. There was something interesting there, as you say, but it never managed to actually capture it. I also doubt it is ever going to get interesting since it hasn't updated in a year.

 

This was certainly something outside of the usual wheelhouse of modern DLP, but I did get glimmers of nostalgia-bait. I think you're right, DLP would have enjoyed a lot of the concepts here circa 2007 or so. There are flashes of inspired ideas and themes, from the magical society in the original timeline to the ritual with the Dryads.

That said, English is the author's second language and while they have undoubtedly put forward great effort, their desperate need of an editor is still ever-present. The edginess of the original timeline exceeds the limits of GrimDark to approach what we in the business like to call GrimDerp. The harem aspect adds nothing to the story, and two of his little triumvirate have little to no development. Even Hermione is only brushing up on the concept of depth as of the latest few chapters.

It's interesting enough that I do want to see more of the world, but hesitate to say I'd be willing to endure the grind to get to it.

 

I actually liked the first 3-4 chapters the most, despite the grammar and language mistakes that abounded. This is one of those stories where the premise becomes less and less believable the further you read, and the more is revealed of the past. Not because of how over-the-top dark the previous world was, but because Harry and Co simply don't mesh with what we've seen of that world, they don't even seem like the same characters that were shown in the prologue. Apparently murder and subterfuge and betrayal is as common as breathing over there, and yet the main cast here actively try to avoid all of that stuff, despite having no problems with it previously. Literally in the prologue they sacrifice 3001 human beings in order to escape Azkaban and travel through time and space. One of them skinned someone and then wore their skin as a coat. But the moment they get to the canon world the most destructive thing any of them do is throw a teenage tantrum.

The BDSM thing doesn't jive either. Apparently all of Harry's girls took an Oath of Enslavement they were so loyal and submissive to him, and at the start they showed that, or at least Hermione did. Harry was unafraid to cause them pain or discomfort on a whim, even going as far as to order Hermione to dress and act completely different from the previous world, to which she complied without question. But as of the latest chapters that's not at all how the relationship works. If anything, Harry is the submissive one to Daphne and Hermione in all things except sex. I can't help but feel the author at some point had Safe, Sane, Consensual drilled into his head and now it's manifesting in a fictional relationship where the established hierarchy was decidedly the opposite at the start.

If this story were ever going to live up to its premise then after 86,000 words I would expect that some crack in the facade would have appeared or there would be some form of foreshadowing or some action taken by one of them that would allude to future brutality and/or madness. Instead we have Hermione hosting sleepovers. Blegh.

I liked the promises this story established but it failed to follow through on any of them. The story lacks a coherent structure and has an inherent inability to make me believe in any of the characters or scenarios that it presents to me. But, it did start to scratch an itch that I didn't know I had for a good old fashioned Azkaban!Harry romp. I'm going to refrain from rating the thread because I can't bring myself to give this a 2/5 or a 3/5, because I think it deserves both. If you aren't in the target audience and craving this type of fic, it's a 2/5, and if you are then it's a 3/5.

 

I thought I had brought this story up at one point here.

It's a good concept, but falls flat at shitty "romance", harem garbage, the need for hamfisted smut and average writing. With a good beta readers and stripping out/toning own the romance stuff (and get rid of the harem shit) it could have been a reasonably good story.
--- Post automerged ---
I didn't read the story just now, but what I wrote straight after reading the story seems a lot worse than I remembered:

The story inspired the question in this thread.

 

Well I didn’t think I’d be so bothered by the weird 11 year old bdsm thing but it’s just so out of place - and I think the sum total of the experience of reading this falls under that phrase - out of place. For such allegedly fucked up protagonists they seem really mundane except when they’re diving into their past. The characters seem to lack any direction except when they’re doing the weird sex acts that they go about doing. After several chapters I found myself wholly uninterested.

 

That's a damned good premise. It's one of those filled to the brim with possibilities. I actually really like this story despite its inconsistencies. It feels like the singular vision of someone who has an interesting story to tell even if there are parts that make me go squick. 4/5

 

Wow, this is just terrible. I concede there are some good ideas in there, some of them would make for good story material.. But the story doesn't even try to hide the fact that it is simply a BDSM harem fantasy fleshed out with a bit more 'baggage'. The 'good ideas' here are only a vehicle for the ('sex')fantasy, not really fleshed out at all and the 'rest' of the story feels so far like a crack-fic school life fic. I will readily admit the whole Flamel premise is pretty cool and original.

But overall it's a terribly awkward read and I found myself skipping a lot because of the unbearable cringy shit I was force to read. 2/5

My rec for the author would be: Rewrite. Change premise, happy harem is not something you should be trying to write. Kick all the "adult in kids body sex"-stuff (lol writing this is even bah), kick all the BDSM shit, it has no purpose and honestly written so bad I am not able to read it. KNEEL!111 Yes Master!11 wtf Why even have it in? He could have just aswell skip all that shit until later years. Oops kid body, no hormones, see you in puberty.

Don't use PTSD/angst to show how bad 'the other' world was, rather show us or leave it. Reading characters angst about something we don't really know and only feeding us bits to show how 'super edgy and brutal' that world was is a boring to read. While I respect that is no easy task, I think it also makes or breaks the characters he is trying to portray here. Have your characters have real flaws not cliches, right now everyone of the 'queens' is just a collection of those. I could see some content to be had with them, failed overlord!Harry in new world with his shitty followers who all have problems/real interactions with each other and a complete new world to fuck everything up.

This feels a lot like a fic that DLP would have loved back when I joined up here and we see a lot of practical issues in this fic why that is no easy task for an author to pull off a story that is trying to capture that spirit. Still trying to read, but I have no real hopes the essential deal breakers here will get addressed.

 

I'd agree with 3/5. Though I have noticed the writing improving drastically towards the later chapters, the overly sexual nature of things is just plain off-putting.

Like, I know they have the minds of fully grown adults and I get that but it's still squick.